A Call to Spiritual Formation Through Bonding

I had all week to write this essay, but 2 things (and isn't it great to start with excuses?) (1) I didn't have my computer charger til Wednesday (2) I had no Internet access (except 1 hour sometime midweek at Panera) and (3) (not just 2!) I was on vacation.

So I'm left here with a half hour on Monday to write this because I told a friend of mine I'd be up at Purdue at 3. I'll be writing this very off-the-top-of-my-head. But that's perfect. Well crafted essays are best for after we know what we're talking about. My main goal at the start is just to talk about it. I was reminded recently that when we're young, we argue because we don't understand each other and that when we get older we argue because we do understand each other. My main goal at first is just to get to the point where we understand each other. There may in fact be no point on which we disagree.

The summary is this: we are to grow spiritually. Such growth requires a specific amount of aid from others.

The idea is that you would have to have one of 3 responses to the essay. Either deny the need for spiritual growth, deny the kind of need of others I describe, or contend that such relationships are already in effect in your own life.

I will start with the need for spiritual growth, though since this is the most basic and hardest to deny, my treatment of the subject will be very minimal.

First, we need to grow spiritually because it is a desire of God for our lives. “We are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ”, says Ephesians 4. It was Paul’s delight to hear of people growing in the faith (2 Thess 1:3). 2 Peter uses wonderful language, “Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation” (2:2) and “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord”. And it is part of the way in which Jesus taught us about our spiritual lives: the parable of the vine in John 15.

Second, we function best when we are functioning as God intended us to. We were created in the image of God. Only when we understand how God relates to social activity can we know what our part in it should be. For example, when we learn that God is a social being- that he is constantly in fellowship with Himself as the Trinity – that He is not alone but rather we are in Him and we are to be One with Him, etc. (John 17:20-23), we understand that we were created to be loving and not in emotional and spiritual isolation. In this way, our spiritual life, lived properly, will have affect on other areas of life (including for you Matt business and social and political involvement.)

Now I will move on to the specific amount of aid from others that should be there. I present a challenge that the relationship must abound in grace, that it should be Christ-centered, that it should be one in which there is at least vulnerability on your part, and that it be at least semi-long-term.

Now to explain each of these and to give a defense of them. The relationship must abound in grace. No growth happens in a relationship built on “I’ll love you but only if you do what is right / true.” People who believe “truth should be before relationship” or “truth precedes grace” are off and will never experience the growth God intended for them. Truth is a wonderful thing, but without grace, it is just judgment. There are other reasons that the relationship must abound in grace, but those come later.

It also must be Christ-centered. There are plenty of relationships that abound in grace but provide no growth in life or love. Without truth, the relationship just turns into a spineless license-sy lazy mess. We all know that over time we really appreciate people who will be honest with us, not protect us from the facts of life, etc. In fact, how can anyone expect to share any real intimacy (necessary for growth) at all without exposing what the real self is. Such an exercise only reaches its full perspective in a Christ-centered relationship.

There must be vulnerability. That might not be the best word. Technically, it just means “open to criticism or attack”. We, all of us, have many aspects of ourselves. Some of them very pretty; some of them not so much. We all do really well at presenting a developed false self. We tend to present the parts of ourselves that do well in life and fake the rest. Call it denial or whatever. But God has given us all lots of talents. Some of them for whatever reason, we’ve buried in the ground, not taking the necessary risks with them.

My concern is with whether or not you are doing this spiritually in one way or another. We had an incredible time of spiritual growth in high school, but in the long run, that could have been more harm than good. “Developmental psychologists worry about children who show drastic, non-age-appropriate behaviors; it usually means that they are growing up too quickly” says an author I’m reading *. I’m not saying we grew up too quickly, but I think the comment of yours that raised my eyebrows the most was the one where you talked about what our curriculum did to prepare us for how to go out from there and find new spiritual community.

There are many times in which it is appropriate to take certain aspects of ourselves “out of the playing field”. I was amazed to hear that you actually found a Bible study in Iraq. I sort of figured that would be something that wasn’t feasible. But we can’t take things like this “out of experience” over the long haul. We eventually need to find ways to bring these aspects of ourselves into relationships seeped in grace and truth.

And this must be done in a semi-long-term way. All growth takes time. I don’t think I need to belabor this point. It’s the way the universe works. After the fall, God could have snapped his fingers and had redemption and restoration happen. But he chose to do so over the couse of thousands of years. Same thing with our relationships and growth. It takes time.

None of this is very new. Anyone can see that a plant doesn’t grow on its own but rather that it is dependent on light, nutrients, soil, and CO2. It’s no surprise that our growth is similarly dependent.

Now for the third point, which I think may be the most difficult on my part. Obviously, most of this will occur, for a married couple, in marriage. And one could argue that in most cases, God can just surpass the human factor altogether. And really, saying whether or not this should take the form of accountability partners, a couple that you all get to know, a small group that you join, or a service that you attend is extremely legalistic. I don’t intend to touch it with a ten foot pole. It could actually be the case that right now, you are in a relationship like I described earlier (Christ-centered, etc.) in some way or another. Or that you are already moving towards being in one.

My prayer for you is that you will move towards love more and more and that you will be known as a man of faith wherever you go.

Another approach, and I’ve thought of taking it instead is to go the “it’s important to be connected to the body of Christ”. I’ve already gone overtime. Tell me what parts of this you think are unbiblical, unsupported, or impractical. I’ll probably concede a lot as my thoughts on the matter feel a bit immature.